????????

I have a lot of questions. Well, maybe not QUESTIONS - life altering QUESTIONS, but concerns, dilemmas, piques, annoyances, oddities...all of which are adding up to make me feel a lot less than peaceful.

A year and a half after moving away from that small town to this much larger city, I am not quite sure I am where I thought we would be. We have a house, but not one that makes me smile when I think about it. It was purchased on a single income (smart) but immediately prior to the real estate market falling off a cliff (not un-smart, just timing I suppose, but, still). It is adequate, quite nice, actually, but it sits here with changes that can't be made until I FIND A JOB.

This FINDING A JOB thing has taken on a whole life of its own this year. It is almost like a living thing, taunting me, annoying me, forcing me to face Facts. I have gotten every job I interviewed for since I was 15. Seriously. Probably not because I'm so Fabulous or Amazing, but maybe because I was looking for The Job that I was Ready For. I don't know what it was, really, but I had no reason to think that this time would be any different.

Could not have been more wrong. The economy took a dive and I wasn't wearing the appropriate breathing apparatus. Add to that 20 years since I took diving and you have a lot of flailing around. Flailing attracts sharks, if ya didn't know.

I do my best to be optimistic. Do the whole "One door closes, another opens" philosophy. I DO try. I'm just not that good at it.

Add to it all a list the length of my arm of things I want to do to this house, few of which I am comfortable doing without an added income, and Dissatisfaction rears its head.

I hate whining. I hate listenting to it and I hate doing it. But whine I do these days, and it is not at all attractive.

I'm hoping something Gives in a big way soon. This attitude does not look good on me.