And POP! - Change

For the last year I've been 'job hunting'.  On and off, here and there I've looked for jobs that would be worthwhile, flexible, impactful and most importantly - fun.  Now this wasn't the outlook at first.  I just went ahead and applied for a few jobs I thought I wanted to do, thought were going to be fairly easy for me to manage and still be available to my family.  Easier said than done, as it turns out.

The process has been beyond difficult for me on levels I didn't consider before starting.  I'm seriously glad that nothing worked out until now, now when I'm a little more ready to go from full-time SAHM to a full-ish time working mom and Quinn is a year older. 

I am not a zen person - I struggle, I debate internally, I hash things out until I contemplate every possible nuance.  The concept of a job was great - time to be with adults, bringing in extra money, etc. etc. etc.  The reality of a job not so great - more time away from my son than I've ever had (or wanted), juggling where I haven't had to in the past, commuting, commuting, commuting.  The term "conflicted" doesn't even begin to describe it. 

In our lives together my husband, Erick, has given me many gifts, gifts that didn't come wrapped up all purty.  One of the biggest was the opportunity to stay home with Quinn as long as I have.  Many people can't even get that chance and I have tried (and almost always succeeded) in being happy about the opportunity.  Amazing to realize that it has been five years since I stopped working at the Shelter (paid, anyway!) and stayed home to be with Quinn.

But time has passed, our needs as a family have changed (as has our location and living arrangements) so it was time to bring in a little money and start building back that savings account. Did I mention that it was a struggle?

Not having a clear idea of what I wanted to do, not having the time to finish my master's degree, I had to start somewhere.  That Somewhere was Frustrating.  Friends were puzzled.  I was beyond that.

Time off from the process helped.  It forced me to rethink what I was doing.  The rethinking resulted, finally, in an offer.  At the time of the offer I was going in for a final and third interview at a job similar to the Shelter, one that I could do, Had Done.  I had started to resign myself to it, and perhaps become a little excited about it.

But now, instead of working with women in crisis, with the people who work with women in crisis, I'll be running a small program in another county .  It isn't a Big Job.  It doesn't Pay Great.  But.  It is a nice program, a sweet program, one that I can do without taxing myself too much.  The biggest problem is the Commute.  Is it what I want to do with the rest of my life?  No.  But it is an important program, and one that I can do good things with.  It is flexible so I can continue to provide Quinn with what he needs. 

It will also allow me to consider going back to school.  And the agency is Quite Large, so there will no doubt be room to move up and around, if that is what I want to do.

This past week has been training with the retiring Director.  She is committed and smart, and I wish she wasn't leaving, although that means I wouldn't be there.  I am not thrilled with the commute, but armed with a few Books on CD, I can at least feel like the time isn't wasted. 

Quinn is coping well with the changes and has some of his own going on, too.  Starting in January the school is moving him up to the 'kindergarten' aged class next door.  He is ready for it and will do well, I think.  He did tell me the other day that 'a lot of things are changing and different' but he didn't seem upset about it.  He's known about Mama Going to Work for quite a long time now.

Anyway, it is strangely surreal for me.  But that's good.  You??