Ready to Jump

It's difficult, ya know, to keep a chin up, a good attitude, to keep moving forward when the thing you are looking forward to is so tremulous.

We've lived here for almost 11 years. Oh. My. God. Cannot even wrap my noggin around that number; we never expected to be here this long. For many of those years we concentrated on our jobs, and since Quinn's birth, on him. This town has given us some of the best times of our lives, and seriously some of the worst. Both of us are ambivalent about this place, but it has been time to move on for far too long; and now we are stuck in a pattern of waiting for something to happen.

My husband was offered a job in August, one that he very much wanted and that is perfect for him. They offered it on a Monday, sending me into a frenzy of planning and freaking out (how to move our household, how to make it all happen in such a short period of time). On Friday Erick got a call from his new boss telling him that their federal funding was in jeopardy, so Erick might want to consider putting off starting the job. It was likely that the funding could end just as we got there.

It was like hitting a brick wall at 100 miles an hour. I think I still have whiplash...

This was over two months ago. No word yet, even though the new federal fiscal year started October 1st. Erick has continued to seek other employment, mostly out of the area, but we are still waiting. Ideally we would like the funding to happen so that we can finally move, back to a place that offers more in terms of opportunities for education, work for me, some diversity, and just more.

The waiting has begun to make us cranky. I'm willing to admit it. I've put so many things off, thinking "don't wanna start this or that if we're going to be gone soon", only to have the being gone not happen. I've avoided making any new friends, even though I'm dying for more adult contact and for a wider circle of little friends for Quinn. I've not applied for jobs I would have liked to do. I've not started new volunteer activities. Erick has continued to go to a job where he feels he is not appreciated. We're in a holding pattern and running out of fuel...

But. There is always Quinn. There to get excited about the leaves, the new play group on Fridays, learning "Wheels on the Bus". Even when cranky, he's at least optimistic.